From The Desk of Cara Cakes: Love Advice

So many people fantasize about love and sex and relationships and it's addicting because it's nice to think about. But, you have to think about the realities, that you don't always get what you want, when you want it, and you might not always be happy once you think you've found it.

You will stress and stress and stress over finding love, and then once you find someone you think you love, you worry about all the things they didn't do, or what they should have done to be a good significant other; instead of focusing on the good parts, and what you do have, you worry about what is bad, and how it will fail.

People worry constantly about whether or not they will find love, and when, and if that person sitting at the table across the aisle is their soulmate. Constantly, you are checking out the people around you, wondering if they are potential mates. Sometimes even when you already found a mate, or if the person you're looking at has one already themselves. There is no good way to say this other then, everyone wants the same thing.

My advice is to give your love to those around you, regardless of size, shape, color, age, or gender. Just love. Love everyone, and love yourself. If you exert all of this love, true, passionate, amazing love, then people will love you, and one day, you may be able to narrow all of those prospective lovers down to just one. The one.

But guess what...You also may not be meant to have just one. So don't dwell on failed relationships, because there is always the opportunity for another. There is love after love, and life after love. Life goes on. Love goes on. Depression over lost love is sometimes necessary to grieve, but also silly if it goes on for too long. Don't let loss of love hold you back from loving again. Don't let it stop you from loving those around you completely. Because if you are shutting down your love, and your ability to receive love, then you won't find it.

I love you, and you love me...and before this turns into a Barney song, I'm going to stop.

Hope this helps those of you struggling to understand your love life. Even just a little.

The Wayback Machine

When you find something of yours from a long time ago, it's almost like opening a time machine. Moving back home to my parent's house has kind of been like entering a time machine and going back....way back...

I found a diary of mine that has barely been used. From when I was 15. It starts out kind of depressing. And then it gets silly, and then hilarious, and then down right dirty. I definitely had some sort of multiple personality disorder back then, and depression. Going to get help for that was probably the best thing for me at that time.

I wrote about my self hatred, my delusions that my friends really didn't like me, and other horrible, negative thoughts. I read over some of the entries, and it seemed like I was obsessed with having the attention of a guy. I was 'in love' with a guy I talked to on the phone and on the internet. I remember now running up the phone bill so high that I got my phone taken away. Those damned long distance relationships!

I wrote about how cyber sex was pretty awesome, and I remember being quite the little slut in chat rooms and IMs. I switched to phone sex. I should have been getting paid for that crap!

I also found a yearbook from elementary school. It's crazy how just looking at those photos can bring back so many memories. Field days, playground antics, teachers, learning to read, etc...

This has been a fun journey into the wayback machine...A Teenage Dream if you will.

I'm Happy East of Nowhere

I'm happy. And one of the main reasons for that is my film family. I've spent the past 6 months working as the makeup artist for the independent film East of Nowhere. It is a great project, and I'm proud of every single cast and crew member. I've never felt more at home with a group of people then when I'm around these guys. I have met so many amazing, creative, hilarious, musical, gorgeous, focused, genuine people while working on this film. Every one is dedicated to the project, and I know we will succeed as a group.

In other worlds, the filming for East of Nowhere is soon coming to an end, and then it's off to post production aiming for a release date in the spring of 2011. The film should be heading to some film festivals (hopefully) and maybe I'll get to go to Sundance! That would be a hell of a reward for all the hours I've spent on (and off) set with these crazy kids. If you want to help out and like to donate to the project, or to view the teaser,please Click HERE

To read the blog and find out some behind the scenes info, see some screen shots (and some of my work!), and learn more about the film in general, please CLICK HERE

Home Again...

Let me start by saying that I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I was able to live on my own for over a year without getting evicted. I'm proud that I kept my apartment clean enough to get my deposit back. I'm proud that I've had the pleasure of having amazing times over the last year and a half. I'm also proud of the work that I've done.

I had to swallow some of that pride and head back to the homestead for a little while. I am thankful. I am thankful for my parents for allowing me to come back to their house after so many times of back and forth. I appreciate their unconditional love, even though sometimes I seem to fall more then I can stand.

The reason I'm back here now is my own fault and no one else's. I'm the only one to blame for my downfall. I made the choice to volunteer my time and my makeup to work on a local indie film with hopes of expanding my portfolio and gaining experience in my chosen field. I made the choice to switch up my modeling career. (CLICK HERE to view my website!)I made these choices and I don't regret them. Acceptance in the worst of times makes the best people.

I've known for a while that I'd rather struggle and experience these 'failures' then conform to society and experience the security of a regular paycheck and a boring routine. I love my life, and the people in it. I live for it. I think if I had to change the way I live just to please other people, I would meet my end.

I recently started reading a new book. Conversations with God. Hear me out before you push the scroll button and run away screaming. I am not a hyper religious person. I was brought up by a Jewish mother, and a Catholic father. I was confirmed in the Catholic church. I dabbled in Wicca. I learned about Psychic Vampirism. I've been SAVED 3 times. And occasionally, I come across a book that revives me. This book seems to be one of them. It doesn't matter to me whether or not the conversations are with God, or just the author talking to himself. What matters to me is what's said. And the truth behind it. I won't go into too much detail here, because I don't want to explain too much. I'd rather you take it upon yourselves to trust me to pick it up and check it out. It will bring to light the many reasons that you may not trust in God, and how to understand Who You Are.

I hope that this time in my life will help me to realize Who I Am. At least I can be home again to gather my thoughts.