Temporarily Engaged to an Eskimo

Did I ever tell you about the time I was engaged for 5 days to an eskimo? An eskimo I never even met? I didn't? Oh, well here goes.

I am a member of this dating site, called OKCupid.com. For the most part, this site has provided me with more negative encounters then positive ones. I've met 4 people in person after communicating with them on the site. I also have a long list of friends who also use the site. Out of those 4 people, 2 have been positive experiences, and the other 2 weren't as great.

My current relationship status on Facebook states I'm in an open relationship with a girl. I met this girl on OKCupid. She is beautiful, funny, talented, and she's one of my new best friends. And she's an amazing kisser! I dig her.

Next I met this really attractive guy. He didn't call after meeting. Then a few weeks later he told me he was seeing someone, yet he wanted to 'see me'. Uh...no thanks. Don't care how hot you are, if you're going to treat me with such little respect then I don't want you.

Third, I meet this guy who was really easy to talk to online. I am not really afraid of meeting people online, so I offer to bring him out to the bar one weeknight. BIG MISTAKE! This guy was drunk when I picked him up. And, he smelled like baby powder and aftershave. A strange mix. He bummed half a pack of my cigarettes, got even more drunk at the bar, hit on my friend, and tried to touch her, and ended up getting kicked out of the bar. I drove him home, and instead of 'Thank you for taking me out with you, picking me up, and giving me half a pack of your cigarettes.' I hear 'Fuck you! Fuck you bitch for not letting me drink more!' Again...date fail.

Then there was the somewhat shy, very cute, easy to talk to guy who is dealing with his own romantic issues. I had been chatting with him on and off for a few months, the off mostly due to bad timing, and lack of planning. He's a friend on facebook, and I have his number, but never used it. I went out by myself last night, and he randomly showed up at the bar with his brother and some friends. We ended up spending a good portion of the evening together, drinking, talking, and having a good time. We got along pretty well, and ultimately, I'd say I gained a friend out of the experience.

Lastly, there's the eskimo. I never did meet him in person, due to his current living arrangements being in Alaska. But we did talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours amen. He was funny, musical, cute, and sweet, and I quickly fell for his charms. He reciprocated my feelings just as fast, and before you could say cock gobbling thunder cunts, we were talking about marriage, children, and having a family. Both of us would have reality checks throughout the hours of conversation. Realizing how ridiculous our plans sounded, even to us. But, for some reason, the thought of marrying this practical stranger sounded pretty good as well. After the first couple of days, the phone calls weren't as long, or as interesting. Then the text messages he sent me were more accusing then adoring. I wasn't doing anything that could be even remotely considered cheating, so it just pissed me off when he'd purposely try to make me jealous, or mad. I soon got over the idea of wanting to marry this guy, but yet I kept up with it to see if it might still have a fighting chance. I caught myself looking at wedding rings on Etsy.com, and I found the perfect one. Later on that day, when I was busy working, I ended the relationship. I couldn't take all the accusations of cheating, when I wasn't doing anything! Also, it was then that I realized that the whole thing was REALLY crazy, and mostly just two people with a fantasy of getting married and having a family, fulfilling it by saying those three words to each other. I love you. The fantasy died off quickly for me, and I kept it up because I am nice, and it's nice to feel loved, even if it's majorly fake.

I was engaged to an Eskimo once. I don't think I ever really loved him. Oh well.

The Year of Cara Cakes

Like I said in a recent post, my birthday is coming up here at the end of the month. I'm going to be turning 26. Yippee! I want to have an epic celebration, just because. Some crazy party where everyone I know and love shows up, we all get crazy drunk and the music, laughter, and love never stops. No negativity, just awesome fun. The likelihood of this occurring is actually pretty slim. I don't have my own place, and I can't afford a hotel room or two. Another idea I had was to go to the casino with some friends, but again, that costs too much money. It's pretty sad that the only ideas I can come up with are ones that would cost me.

Who knows what I'll end up doing for my birthday. All I know for sure is that I want to spend it with people I care about, and who also care about me. I'm sure that just by doing that, I'll enjoy myself, and feel like it was a good day.

As far as being 26 goes...I'm not sure I'm living up to it just yet. I am still living at home, with no future plans. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now. I feel like I'm moving forward in some ways, yet it could just be an illusion. I lose my mind regularly, and find it soon after.

As far as my goals for this year go, I'd say they're pretty low key. I'm tired of aiming high and failing, so I might as well just aim straight forward, and see where this path takes me. I am satisfied with the film work I've been doing, and this year is looking pretty promising with local filmmakers. I need to get a reel put together, and an actual resume for my makeup work, and then start to try harder to get more paid work, like commercial work, or even a bigger budget indie film. Last year helped me realize my niche, and where I belong in the industry. Being on set for 15+ hours a day was something that, yes, was exhausting, but was also the most rewarding experience of my life. I can't say it enough how grateful I am for the opportunity to work with these amazing characters. I've learned so much about myself, and learned so much about film making as well. I want to keep learning through experience, and research, and just keep trying to do more and have even more great opportunities to create and share myself with others.

Also, I am making it a point to get back on track with my modeling work. I am doing a pretty shit job at this whole modeling thing, that I wonder sometimes why I even stick with it. I like doing it, I just get so involved with everything else in my life that I put that on the back burner. I shouldn't let that happen this year, and I want to make this year my most profitable to date. To make that happen I'm going to need to work really hard, and put the focus back on me. When I spend the time on it, beautiful things happen. So please, don't give up on me yet, I'm still here. I'm just slow.

While I'm on the topic of modeling, I want to put this out there. Two things on my to do list for the year are to go to some BBW Bashes. The ones I want to go to the most are the San Diego Bash in March, and the Vegas Bash this July. To do this, I'm going to need some funding. I am interested in doing some squashing sessions. I have always loved the powerful feeling I get when I'm on top of a struggling, helpless, pitiful little peon. I love the size difference. I love the whole thing. So, if you want me on top, shoot me an email (crosseyedforcakes@yahoo.com)and let me know how you're going to help me reach my goals. ;)

www.caracakes.com

@caracakesxoxo on twitter

The Mania of Love

I didn't realize I held these feelings inside me. I didn't see that I had repressed this hurt for so long. Seeing your face again, before I ever touched it, made a tear fall down my cheek. What have I done to cause this? All I ever did was care. I only ever wanted to be there. It seems I am too much. Too much, or just not enough? Which is it? I must know. For I cannot have an ending without a goodbye. I cannot get closure before you tell me why.


You're one of a kind. Too good to be true. Of course I'll never be good enough for you. My flaws are too large, and so are my hips. I never have been one to fit. Inside I hurt, and out here I cry. It will only be a while before I can let this feeling die.


I can't have an ending without a goodbye. I just can't have closure until you tell me why. What did I do? Did I offend you? Was I not there for you? Did I say something wrong? Did I not say enough?


I just don't understand, what it might have been. Until you explain, I'll be lost within...

Snooke$ha Nights

Sorry I've been distant! I've been pretty wrapped up in my life away from the internet. This is good, in my eyes. I like face to face contact. I go out often. I talk to strangers. I really don't like winter here in Indiana, because it's so snowy and slick, and that usually keeps me at home more often then I'd like. I have been getting out more though, now that I'm getting a little more comfortable with the snow. I had my fall. I was outside of the comedy club, walking back to my friend's car, and then suddenly I'm on my ass, looking up at the moon. It took two big guys to help lift my fat ass off the ground. I had absolutely no traction on my boots, and was pretty helpless. I was only slightly hurt. My knee still kind of bothers me, but I think with enough pain medication, I'll be alright soon enough.

I've also been working on another film project. This past weekend was all of the principle shooting for the film. It's a short film called Missing. Search for it on Facebook and like it! I also ended up acting in the film, a small role, but still, my first real speaking role. I got to do a lot of things I'd never done before, makeup wise. This was super exciting for me, and I am really proud with the results, especially since it was my first time. I worked with liquid latex, and created some wounds. I made some squibs (blood bags for gunshots) out of condoms. And, I met some really great people. I love working in film, there's never a dull moment. Unless the film is dull, then perhaps there will be one or two dull moments.

Monday night of this week, I had a night that could best be described as a 'Snooke$ha' night. This is a mixture of Snooki from Jersey Shore, and a Ke$ha song. Sometimes you get drunk, show your poof off to the bar, and go home with a guido. It happens. I am Italian, and I do like hobos, so I guess Snooki, Kesha and I would make a good group of friends. Granted, I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore, so I have no idea how this Shnookems actually behaves. I just assume it's preposterous, and scandalous, and straight up sluuuutttty. Oh, and Kesha goes hard, hard, ha, ha, ha, hard. And I heard she showed her pussay to everyone in the bar. Soooo...yeah, no beaver shots from Cara Cakes. At least not in real life.

My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, here at the end of the month. I shouldn't have to remind you guys, but...get me awesome presents!