Like I said in a recent post, my birthday is coming up here at the end of the month. I'm going to be turning 26. Yippee! I want to have an epic celebration, just because. Some crazy party where everyone I know and love shows up, we all get crazy drunk and the music, laughter, and love never stops. No negativity, just awesome fun. The likelihood of this occurring is actually pretty slim. I don't have my own place, and I can't afford a hotel room or two. Another idea I had was to go to the casino with some friends, but again, that costs too much money. It's pretty sad that the only ideas I can come up with are ones that would cost me.
Who knows what I'll end up doing for my birthday. All I know for sure is that I want to spend it with people I care about, and who also care about me. I'm sure that just by doing that, I'll enjoy myself, and feel like it was a good day.
As far as being 26 goes...I'm not sure I'm living up to it just yet. I am still living at home, with no future plans. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now. I feel like I'm moving forward in some ways, yet it could just be an illusion. I lose my mind regularly, and find it soon after.
As far as my goals for this year go, I'd say they're pretty low key. I'm tired of aiming high and failing, so I might as well just aim straight forward, and see where this path takes me. I am satisfied with the film work I've been doing, and this year is looking pretty promising with local filmmakers. I need to get a reel put together, and an actual resume for my makeup work, and then start to try harder to get more paid work, like commercial work, or even a bigger budget indie film. Last year helped me realize my niche, and where I belong in the industry. Being on set for 15+ hours a day was something that, yes, was exhausting, but was also the most rewarding experience of my life. I can't say it enough how grateful I am for the opportunity to work with these amazing characters. I've learned so much about myself, and learned so much about film making as well. I want to keep learning through experience, and research, and just keep trying to do more and have even more great opportunities to create and share myself with others.
Also, I am making it a point to get back on track with my modeling work. I am doing a pretty shit job at this whole modeling thing, that I wonder sometimes why I even stick with it. I like doing it, I just get so involved with everything else in my life that I put that on the back burner. I shouldn't let that happen this year, and I want to make this year my most profitable to date. To make that happen I'm going to need to work really hard, and put the focus back on me. When I spend the time on it, beautiful things happen. So please, don't give up on me yet, I'm still here. I'm just slow.
While I'm on the topic of modeling, I want to put this out there. Two things on my to do list for the year are to go to some BBW Bashes. The ones I want to go to the most are the San Diego Bash in March, and the Vegas Bash this July. To do this, I'm going to need some funding. I am interested in doing some squashing sessions. I have always loved the powerful feeling I get when I'm on top of a struggling, helpless, pitiful little peon. I love the size difference. I love the whole thing. So, if you want me on top, shoot me an email (crosseyedforcakes@yahoo.com)and let me know how you're going to help me reach my goals. ;)
www.caracakes.com
@caracakesxoxo on twitter
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