I've been feeling off for the past few weeks. I have been blaming it on my monthly lady business. I wish that was really the only thing bothering me. You'd think that for someone with enough passive income to get by, that life should be somewhat stress free. For the most part, it is.
I wake up every day, thankful to be alive, of being in relatively good health for a woman of my size, having my basic needs met, having amazing people in my life and never really hitting the red in the bank accounts. I normally am a night person, staying up all night, and sleeping during the day. I don't really have a set schedule, but generally I am nocturnal. Sometimes this changes, due to film shoots, appointments, lunch dates, or other random things that require I be up before noon. Bedtime is usually anywhere between the hours of 5AM and 7AM.
Yesterday didn't go exactly as planned. It was hard for me to get out of bed when my alarm went off. I had to deliver a bottle of fake blood at 2pm. I got out of bed at 1pm. I did my bathroom things, and my makeup things, and left the house shortly after 2pm. I was stuck in the horrible mid afternoon traffic, and I got to my destination at 2:30. I was already stressed at this point from the short conversations I'd had on Facebook while putting on my makeup. The people I had been chatting with had started out bitching and moaning, and I didn't want to hear it. I pushed that aside, and by the time I had sat down in the old recliner in the office, I just wanted to close my eyes again and go back to sleep. The promise of a chinese buffet lunch was what kept me in a decent mood.
I left the office with my 15 year old friend. Yes, I do have a friend that is 11 years my junior. He's the younger brother of one of my close friends. He's way ahead of his game for his age. We stopped at Half Price Books so I could try and sell a box of comic books someone had left in my possession. I found a book on the clearance rack for a dollar, and waited for my offer. They only wanted to offer me two dollars, so I kept the box of comics, and purchased my book. Then we were off for lunch. While waiting for his brother and our other friend to meet us at the restaurant, I read his first screenplay. I proofread it, and offered my thoughts. Lunch with the boys was nice, and then the stress hit again when I realized that I had 28 minutes to pay, and get all the way to my house across town for the film shoot scheduled to start at 6PM.
I made it just in time, but when I walked in the house, the look on the director's face was not a happy one. I unloaded my things, and asked him what was wrong. Apparently my roommate, the stripper, who is also acting in the film, had made plans for dinner and hadn't told anyone. She was fully aware of the shoot, and had been told every day for the past week that it was happening. I was only slightly put off by the fact that we now had to postpone the shoot. Most of the crew was there already, and we ended up talking and joking around for a couple hours.
Later, I helped out another one of my guy friends by getting him some cash from the atm so he could buy some fake pot. Another male friend called wanting a ride to the bar. A female friend wanted a ride to the liquor store. All I wanted was ice cream and chips, and ideally, my boyfriend to kiss my stress away. I got ice cream and chips. I didn't give anyone a ride. Once the last friend left, and I was all alone, I decided to start reading my book. It was about 11PM.
About an hour into my reading time, I started to hear awful crashing and banging coming from what sounded like the basement. Stripper and Skater stay in the basement, and Server hadn't been home in days. I was worried after hearing crashing for a few minutes, but no other noises. I walked out into the dining room, and noticed a bed in the middle of the room. Server was moving furniture. She needed to move the bed away from the window so she could put an air conditioner in it. She said she'd come visit me in my room when she was finished. I went back to reading.
She did come in my room, and we talked about our week, the failed shoot, our boyfriends, my intimacy issues, and our frustrations about the state of our house. She finally went back to her room to bed, and I kept reading. I knew I wouldn't want to put the book down until it was finished. That's my problem, and why I don't read as much anymore. I never want to put the damn book down. I have to read the whole thing, regardless of the size of the book. I noticed the time went from 3, to 4, to 5... I still had about a third of the book to finish.
In the book, the main character was taking a lot of walks, drinking a lot of iced coffee, and eating a lot of bagels. I decided I would take a walk to Starbucks, get an iced coffee and a bagel, and finish my book. I knew this would make me feel good, and that by the time I got back here, to my bed, where I am now, I'd be tired. Little did I know, instead of exhaustion, I just had an uncontrollable urge to write about my day.
Starbucks is about a ten minute walk down the street. I zig zagged through the neighborhood, noticing the houses I only see when driving. I noticed how the sidewalk changed. I noticed how the trees looked. I smelled cinnamon bread baking at the Aunt Millie's bread factory. As I walked past the local punk/scene bar, I saw beer bottle tops and cigarette butts with red lipstick stains on the ground. I took a look in the windows of the antique shop I'd never been in. I noticed a new tattoo shop on the corner. As I walked past Arby's, I smelled the distinct smell of onion rings, at a little after 6am. I saw the pink, orange, and purple clouds high in the blue sky. There was a gentle breeze. It was a beautiful morning.
I took my time walking to Starbucks, and I noticed even more things. I noticed the cars, trucks, vans and SUVs rushing down the one way street. I noticed how everyone sitting at the stop lights looked zoned out. Everyone was in a hurry to get somewhere they felt was important. And then, there I was... A very large woman, taking her sweet time, walking down the streets. I wondered what people thought of me then. What the people in the cars were thinking about me as I strolled down the street. Were they wondering where I was going? Were they thinking about my size? Were they wondering if I was lonely? Or happy? Or homeless? Do they care about me? Even for a moment? Do they even see me? Were they jealous of me? Are they thinking that it's good for me to be walking? Are they shocked that I'm able to walk?
I wasn't thinking these things because it mattered to me what they were thinking of me, if they were thinking anything at all. I was thinking them because I think about people I see. I wondered if other people thought like me. I know everyone is concerned about what other people think of them. I am too. However, for me, I only take it to heart when it's the thoughts of someone who matters to me.
Once I got to Starbucks, I ordered a large iced coffee with mocha and milk, and a toasted bagel with cream cheese. The barista asked me if I wanted milk or cream, and being that this entire trip was to make me feel better, I opted for cream. All day I'd been gorging on fattening foods and I figured it couldn't make much of a difference if I indulged on breakfast before bed. I'd eaten enough calories at the buffet to take care of a day, but the stress, estrogen, and also general hunger, got the best of me later on. I ate a pint (4 servings) of chocolate chunk cookies and chocolate ice cream, and an entire 8 servings of ranch chip mix. I sat down in the garage patio area they had, and ate my bagel, drank my iced coffee, and finished that book. So what if I'm 450lbs, drinking a full fat iced mocha coffee drink with full fat cream? Eating a multi grain bagel with regular cream cheese? A day of fatty mcfat fat indulgence isn't going to change me! I needed to turn to food for comfort. And a walk through my neighborhood. On a good morning.
Here's the weird part. I don't know when it started, and I've noticed it more in the past day then I'd noticed it before. But I've been losing girth. I eat a mostly pescatarian diet(fish and vegetarian). But, I have been eating meat here and there as well. I've not really changed anything else about my lifestyle, but I am getting smaller. Not much smaller, but enough that clothes that were the biggest size and tight, are now too big, and falling off. I had to stop frequently on my walk just to pull my once skin tight size 4x leggings back up. I'm not small enough to downsize, but maybe I will be if this continues. It's been over 4 years, maybe 5 since I've worn pants smaller then a tight size 32. I'm interested to see where this goes, if it goes anywhere at all.
Now I'm home, in my bed. I've written this blog entry, and I've smoked a couple cigarettes. It's 9AM. I'm officially up past my bedtime. My roommates have had full days, and a full night's sleep, and Skater's been at work since shortly after I left the house earlier. I think I'm getting tired, and will try to sleep after I publish this entry. I don't have anything on my post it calendar for the day. My only plans are to stay up all night with my boyfriend and our friend (the older brother of the 15 year old). And that won't start till after midnight.
As a night person, I don't get to say this very often, but it's been a good morning. One of relaxation, disconnection, self reflection, and appreciation. I can go to sleep now, feeling thankful and happy, knowing that the only thing I have to do today is rest, and be happy.
I can say this without being conceited, or cocky, or full of myself. I am lucky to lead the life I do, and I love myself, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, and all that is out there for me to experience and endure. I might be called upon for help often, or put in a position to bear others' problems as my own, but I'm glad to be the one that people look to for help. I'm proud to be the one that people rely on, look up to, and appreciate. I haven't always made the best choices in life, but I've learned from all of my mistakes. I have no regrets in life. And, if I die before I wake, which I doubt will happen, at least I know that my life was good.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
'Working on the Weekend' Erotica
Jessica didn't usually work on the weekends, but this weekend she had to come in and catch up on some files that had gone overlooked in the previous week. She was the CEO of her company, and she had to make sure everything was taken care of. She was the only one at the office, since it was early on Saturday morning. She had noticed a window washer scaling the side of the building, but other then that, she was all alone.
Jessica went up the elevator to her penthouse office suite. During the long elevator ride, she was thinking about the young cocktail waiter she had fucked last night. He was barely legal, and she was already 33 years old. She didn't look her age though, in fact, she looked more like 28. She really enjoyed fucking younger men.
The elevator pinged with each floor, and finally it arrived at hers. She stepped out into her foyer, and sniffed the air. She smelled the flowers that her one night stand on Tuesday night had sent to her. She smelled the leather of her sofas in the waiting area. She smelled herself getting aroused.
She walked back into her office, and looked out at the city below. Her office was in the corner of the building, so two walls were glass windows from floor to ceiling. Her desk was in the middle of the room, centered for balance. She came in and sat down at her desk, and turned on her computer. She was still aroused from her thoughts of her sexual endeavors, and decided to get comfortable before starting work.
What Jessica didn't know is that the window washer she had seen was on his way to the top of the building, and was planning on working his way back down to the bottom. So when Jessica took her shoes off, and then her summery dress, she had no idea she was being watched.
Once she was stripped down to her black lace thong from one of the finest lingerie stores in the city, she sat back down in her chair, and started to search for some erotic entertainment online. She went to her favorite porn site, and started to look through the hundreds of videos available. Jessica's favorite type of porn was the very raunchy, hardcore sex. She liked watching older women fuck younger guys. Just like she liked fucking younger guys.
Matt was staring wide eyed through the giant glass windows he was supposed to be washing. He was watching the most beautiful woman he's ever seen take her clothes off. She thought no one could see her, that part was obvious. So Matt just stood there on his scaffolding, mouth open, waiting to see what Jessica's next move was going to be. He sees her sit back down, and watches as she starts looking at porn. When she selected a video titled 'MILF Takes Pool Boy' he zoned his eyes in, and his cock started to stir in his pants.
Jessica was getting more turned on with every second gone by. As her body started to heat up, she began playing with her full breasts. She cupped them in her hands, squeezed them gently, and then started to run her fingers back and forth, quickly, over her hard little pink nipples. She moaned as she touched herself, feeling sexy all by herself, in her penthouse office.
Matt could barely believe what he was seeing, and could barely stand it either. His cock was now at full attention, and he hadn't noticed that his hand was in his pants, stroking and pulling at his dick. He shook his head and pulled his hand out as soon as he realized what he was doing, feeling like a pervert. Then he noticed Jessica's hand sliding down her toned, tanned stomach, and underneath the waistband of her panties. He thought, "Fuck. She's really fucking horny. She's gonna get herself off. I wish I could fuck her. She's so fucking hot. What can I do? My dick is totally ready for her. Maybe if I can go up to the roof, I can get in the building. Couldn't hurt to try. She'll just ask me why I'm inside, and I'll tell her I needed to use the bathroom. There we go. I'm gonna do it!" He pressed the button that made the scaffolding go up, and watched his dream girl disappear as he went up to the roof.
Jessica was stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed a shadow come over her desk, and leaned her chair back and watched as the window washer's scaffolding went up past her window. "I wonder what he's doing, and if he saw me! Whatever, maybe he's cute. I'll give him a show!" she thought as she started bringing her finger up over her wet clit, and back down and inside her wet snatch. She continued the motions, up and down, pressing hard and moving her fingers in a circle over her clit. She was moaning louder now, and her breasts rose and fell with each deep breath and movement she made. Her other hand was still pinching and twisting her nipples. One, then the other. She was close to having the orgasm she so desperately craved. She fucked herself faster and with more gusto. She was not even watching the video anymore. She had one leg up on the desk, and the other one splayed out to the side. Her panties were now pulled to the side of her shaven pussy, and her fingers were moving in and out of her wetness fast and furious. At that moment, she heard something, and opened her eyes. Standing at her desk was the window washer. He was very sexy. Buff, tanned, and young. Very young from the looks of it. Oh, and hard. So hard. She let out a sigh, and her lips moved into a smile.
"Why hello there, can I help you with something?" she purred to the young, sexy boy standing opposite her.
Matt stood there, shocked, and horny, and responded with "Well, I do have one thing you could help me with." He let his eyes drop down, looking at his hard cock outlined in his pants.
"Come here. Let me see that problem of yours. I might just know how to take care of something like that." she said, beckoning him to come to her.
Matt walked around the desk, and looked into Jessica's piercing green eyes. Her long, wavy brown hair was so shiny from the sunlight coming through the windows, it almost seemed as if she was glowing. He was in awe of what was happening. Things like this didn't ever happen to guys like him. Laborers. Dirty, young, and broke. Guys like him never got girls like this. But it seemed like he was going to have this girl. This woman. As he arrived in front of her, he smiled sheepishly, and said "My name is Matt."
Jessica didn't give a shit what his name was, she just wanted to get that cock out of his pants, and inside of her, NOW. She looked up and said "I'm Jessica. Take your cock out for me. I want to taste you."
Matt didn't hesitate at the opportunity to get his dick sucked by this sexy nympho in front of him. He hastily unbuckled his belt, unzipped, and let his pants fall to the floor. His boxers were next to go, and he lifted his shirt over his head right after. He was naked in less then 15 seconds, cock at the ready.
Jessica watched him undress and as soon as he was done, she grabbed him by the dick, and pulled him to her. She looked up into his eyes, and wrapped her pouty lips around the head of his cock, taking the thick tip in first, and then sliding her mouth down his shaft, towards the base. She twirled her tongue around the head as she wend down on him, then bringing her lips back up, she twirled it the opposite way. Her mouth was hot, and wet with her saliva, and she started to go faster now, up and down on his dick with her sexy mouth. Every so often she'd open her eyes and look up at him, seeing the look of ecstasy on his face as she blew him. She went on like this for 10 minutes. Sucking that big dick that showed up at just the right time. Her pussy was dripping with wetness, and she couldn't wait to feel him inside her. She started kissing his crotch, around his penis, then up his stomach, as she ran her hands over his toned body. He pulled her up and lifted her from underneath her ass, and put her on the desk.
Jessica leaned back on the desk and cupped her breasts, twisting her nipples, watching as Matt readied his cock for entering her. She slid a hand down and rubbed it over her drenched pussy, feeling her little clit pulsate and throb under her touch. He got close to her, and placed his cock at the entrance to her sopping wet cunt. He pressed the head of his dick against her, and it slowly slid in all the way. The first thrust is always the best, and he just held his dick there inside her for a moment, before reaching down, grabbing that juicy ass, and beginning to slam his dick in her over and over. He fucked her hard and fast, just like he had watched her fuck herself. He wanted nothing more then to please her, and to see what happened when she came.
Matt's cock felt so good inside her that she started to whimper and moan, throwing her head back and letting him hammer her into oblivion. He thrust into her hard, slamming his hips up against hers. His balls were slapping against her ass crack. She was screaming now and lifted her torso up to meet his. She threw her arms over his shoulders, and let her ass fall down to meet his cock as he pushed up into her. She heard him grunt and felt his body tighten. She too was close to orgasm. Her tits were smashed against his sweaty pecs, and she buried her head in his shoulder, biting on his flesh as she let herself go. Matt came with her, filling her pussy with his cum, not caring about anything except that moment. She came with a loud moan, snuffed out by his body. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Her convulsing body finally fell limp in his arms, and he set her down in her chair. Her hair was covering her face, and she tiredly lifted her arm and pushed it out of her eyes, smiling at Matt as she did so.
"Thanks for the fuck, Matt." she said. "But, now I think it's time we both got back to work."
"No problem. It was fun." he said, as he gathered his clothes from around the desk. He walked out the door of her office in the nude, looked back over his shoulder to see her hand sliding back down her glistening body to her cum filled pussy. She lifted her finger back up to her mouth, and licked it clean. She winked at him and waved him away.
Jessica decided that working on the weekend was worth it, if things like this could happen.
Matt left and cleaned up in the bathroom before returning to his post outside. As he washed her windows, he watched as she brought herself to another orgasm. This woman was insatiable it seemed. He was going to have to think of a plan to get inside her again. "There's always next weekend." he said to himself.
Jessica went up the elevator to her penthouse office suite. During the long elevator ride, she was thinking about the young cocktail waiter she had fucked last night. He was barely legal, and she was already 33 years old. She didn't look her age though, in fact, she looked more like 28. She really enjoyed fucking younger men.
The elevator pinged with each floor, and finally it arrived at hers. She stepped out into her foyer, and sniffed the air. She smelled the flowers that her one night stand on Tuesday night had sent to her. She smelled the leather of her sofas in the waiting area. She smelled herself getting aroused.
She walked back into her office, and looked out at the city below. Her office was in the corner of the building, so two walls were glass windows from floor to ceiling. Her desk was in the middle of the room, centered for balance. She came in and sat down at her desk, and turned on her computer. She was still aroused from her thoughts of her sexual endeavors, and decided to get comfortable before starting work.
What Jessica didn't know is that the window washer she had seen was on his way to the top of the building, and was planning on working his way back down to the bottom. So when Jessica took her shoes off, and then her summery dress, she had no idea she was being watched.
Once she was stripped down to her black lace thong from one of the finest lingerie stores in the city, she sat back down in her chair, and started to search for some erotic entertainment online. She went to her favorite porn site, and started to look through the hundreds of videos available. Jessica's favorite type of porn was the very raunchy, hardcore sex. She liked watching older women fuck younger guys. Just like she liked fucking younger guys.
Matt was staring wide eyed through the giant glass windows he was supposed to be washing. He was watching the most beautiful woman he's ever seen take her clothes off. She thought no one could see her, that part was obvious. So Matt just stood there on his scaffolding, mouth open, waiting to see what Jessica's next move was going to be. He sees her sit back down, and watches as she starts looking at porn. When she selected a video titled 'MILF Takes Pool Boy' he zoned his eyes in, and his cock started to stir in his pants.
Jessica was getting more turned on with every second gone by. As her body started to heat up, she began playing with her full breasts. She cupped them in her hands, squeezed them gently, and then started to run her fingers back and forth, quickly, over her hard little pink nipples. She moaned as she touched herself, feeling sexy all by herself, in her penthouse office.
Matt could barely believe what he was seeing, and could barely stand it either. His cock was now at full attention, and he hadn't noticed that his hand was in his pants, stroking and pulling at his dick. He shook his head and pulled his hand out as soon as he realized what he was doing, feeling like a pervert. Then he noticed Jessica's hand sliding down her toned, tanned stomach, and underneath the waistband of her panties. He thought, "Fuck. She's really fucking horny. She's gonna get herself off. I wish I could fuck her. She's so fucking hot. What can I do? My dick is totally ready for her. Maybe if I can go up to the roof, I can get in the building. Couldn't hurt to try. She'll just ask me why I'm inside, and I'll tell her I needed to use the bathroom. There we go. I'm gonna do it!" He pressed the button that made the scaffolding go up, and watched his dream girl disappear as he went up to the roof.
Jessica was stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed a shadow come over her desk, and leaned her chair back and watched as the window washer's scaffolding went up past her window. "I wonder what he's doing, and if he saw me! Whatever, maybe he's cute. I'll give him a show!" she thought as she started bringing her finger up over her wet clit, and back down and inside her wet snatch. She continued the motions, up and down, pressing hard and moving her fingers in a circle over her clit. She was moaning louder now, and her breasts rose and fell with each deep breath and movement she made. Her other hand was still pinching and twisting her nipples. One, then the other. She was close to having the orgasm she so desperately craved. She fucked herself faster and with more gusto. She was not even watching the video anymore. She had one leg up on the desk, and the other one splayed out to the side. Her panties were now pulled to the side of her shaven pussy, and her fingers were moving in and out of her wetness fast and furious. At that moment, she heard something, and opened her eyes. Standing at her desk was the window washer. He was very sexy. Buff, tanned, and young. Very young from the looks of it. Oh, and hard. So hard. She let out a sigh, and her lips moved into a smile.
"Why hello there, can I help you with something?" she purred to the young, sexy boy standing opposite her.
Matt stood there, shocked, and horny, and responded with "Well, I do have one thing you could help me with." He let his eyes drop down, looking at his hard cock outlined in his pants.
"Come here. Let me see that problem of yours. I might just know how to take care of something like that." she said, beckoning him to come to her.
Matt walked around the desk, and looked into Jessica's piercing green eyes. Her long, wavy brown hair was so shiny from the sunlight coming through the windows, it almost seemed as if she was glowing. He was in awe of what was happening. Things like this didn't ever happen to guys like him. Laborers. Dirty, young, and broke. Guys like him never got girls like this. But it seemed like he was going to have this girl. This woman. As he arrived in front of her, he smiled sheepishly, and said "My name is Matt."
Jessica didn't give a shit what his name was, she just wanted to get that cock out of his pants, and inside of her, NOW. She looked up and said "I'm Jessica. Take your cock out for me. I want to taste you."
Matt didn't hesitate at the opportunity to get his dick sucked by this sexy nympho in front of him. He hastily unbuckled his belt, unzipped, and let his pants fall to the floor. His boxers were next to go, and he lifted his shirt over his head right after. He was naked in less then 15 seconds, cock at the ready.
Jessica watched him undress and as soon as he was done, she grabbed him by the dick, and pulled him to her. She looked up into his eyes, and wrapped her pouty lips around the head of his cock, taking the thick tip in first, and then sliding her mouth down his shaft, towards the base. She twirled her tongue around the head as she wend down on him, then bringing her lips back up, she twirled it the opposite way. Her mouth was hot, and wet with her saliva, and she started to go faster now, up and down on his dick with her sexy mouth. Every so often she'd open her eyes and look up at him, seeing the look of ecstasy on his face as she blew him. She went on like this for 10 minutes. Sucking that big dick that showed up at just the right time. Her pussy was dripping with wetness, and she couldn't wait to feel him inside her. She started kissing his crotch, around his penis, then up his stomach, as she ran her hands over his toned body. He pulled her up and lifted her from underneath her ass, and put her on the desk.
Jessica leaned back on the desk and cupped her breasts, twisting her nipples, watching as Matt readied his cock for entering her. She slid a hand down and rubbed it over her drenched pussy, feeling her little clit pulsate and throb under her touch. He got close to her, and placed his cock at the entrance to her sopping wet cunt. He pressed the head of his dick against her, and it slowly slid in all the way. The first thrust is always the best, and he just held his dick there inside her for a moment, before reaching down, grabbing that juicy ass, and beginning to slam his dick in her over and over. He fucked her hard and fast, just like he had watched her fuck herself. He wanted nothing more then to please her, and to see what happened when she came.
Matt's cock felt so good inside her that she started to whimper and moan, throwing her head back and letting him hammer her into oblivion. He thrust into her hard, slamming his hips up against hers. His balls were slapping against her ass crack. She was screaming now and lifted her torso up to meet his. She threw her arms over his shoulders, and let her ass fall down to meet his cock as he pushed up into her. She heard him grunt and felt his body tighten. She too was close to orgasm. Her tits were smashed against his sweaty pecs, and she buried her head in his shoulder, biting on his flesh as she let herself go. Matt came with her, filling her pussy with his cum, not caring about anything except that moment. She came with a loud moan, snuffed out by his body. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Her convulsing body finally fell limp in his arms, and he set her down in her chair. Her hair was covering her face, and she tiredly lifted her arm and pushed it out of her eyes, smiling at Matt as she did so.
"Thanks for the fuck, Matt." she said. "But, now I think it's time we both got back to work."
"No problem. It was fun." he said, as he gathered his clothes from around the desk. He walked out the door of her office in the nude, looked back over his shoulder to see her hand sliding back down her glistening body to her cum filled pussy. She lifted her finger back up to her mouth, and licked it clean. She winked at him and waved him away.
Jessica decided that working on the weekend was worth it, if things like this could happen.
Matt left and cleaned up in the bathroom before returning to his post outside. As he washed her windows, he watched as she brought herself to another orgasm. This woman was insatiable it seemed. He was going to have to think of a plan to get inside her again. "There's always next weekend." he said to himself.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
My Christmas Letter
I just realized the last personal update blog I posted was before my birthday, which is in January. I figured I'd update you with some changes that have occurred this year.
As you know, I've recently moved out. I can only say that it's great not living at home again. The rent I pay is relevant to the income I get, so it's not too hard to take care of the bills and enjoy myself.
I've recently started dating someone new, after a year of living the single life. This guy is great, and I really like him. I don't want to ramble on too much about my love life, as I know that can get annoying quickly. I will say that for the first time in my life, being with someone has never felt so good, or so right. We're taking it slowly, and it's awesome. I'm very happy!
Onto the film sector. June 6th marked the year anniversary for the beginning of filming on East of Nowhere (www.eastofnowheremovie.com). This was also our last day of shooting. It's kind of sad that we're not filming anymore, and that I won't get to see my film family as much. The good news is that our wrap party is next week! Also, I'm shooting 4 out of the 7 days next week. Working as makeup and co-producer on a short film titled Inferno. Also have a reshoot for the short film Missing that was shot in January. I'm loving the fact that I can be busy doing what I love.
Lastly, I realized I'm not living up to my goal of being a better model. I suck at it, actually. Well, not at the being hot and posing, or acting in fetish videos part, but more at the actually doing the work required to be a model. Maybe one day I'll get my shit figured out and actually follow through with what I say. Maybe not. Time will tell.
Sometimes when I write these updates I feel like I'm writing my own personal Christmas letter. I guess it is similar. So, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
xoxo
Cara
As you know, I've recently moved out. I can only say that it's great not living at home again. The rent I pay is relevant to the income I get, so it's not too hard to take care of the bills and enjoy myself.
I've recently started dating someone new, after a year of living the single life. This guy is great, and I really like him. I don't want to ramble on too much about my love life, as I know that can get annoying quickly. I will say that for the first time in my life, being with someone has never felt so good, or so right. We're taking it slowly, and it's awesome. I'm very happy!
Onto the film sector. June 6th marked the year anniversary for the beginning of filming on East of Nowhere (www.eastofnowheremovie.com). This was also our last day of shooting. It's kind of sad that we're not filming anymore, and that I won't get to see my film family as much. The good news is that our wrap party is next week! Also, I'm shooting 4 out of the 7 days next week. Working as makeup and co-producer on a short film titled Inferno. Also have a reshoot for the short film Missing that was shot in January. I'm loving the fact that I can be busy doing what I love.
Lastly, I realized I'm not living up to my goal of being a better model. I suck at it, actually. Well, not at the being hot and posing, or acting in fetish videos part, but more at the actually doing the work required to be a model. Maybe one day I'll get my shit figured out and actually follow through with what I say. Maybe not. Time will tell.
Sometimes when I write these updates I feel like I'm writing my own personal Christmas letter. I guess it is similar. So, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
xoxo
Cara
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Nerd Erotica Challenge
Sometimes watching porn doesn't do a damn thing for me. Instead; thinking up a fantasy and writing a story about it does the trick. Tonight I was lacking inspiration, so I asked a close male friend of mine to give me a challenge on what to write about. His idea is a bit nerdy, so I'm calling this my Nerd Erotica Challenge. Please leave feedback!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Melanie opens her eyes to the sound of the buzzer that is used on the ship to wake up herself and Brandon, she remembers the dream she had the night before. Melanie had awaken aroused again. She dreamed about having amazing sex with her fellow space sailor, Brandon. They've already been on the journey to Neptune from Earth for 2 months, Earth time, and she was getting hornier with every passing moment. It had been two months since she last had an orgasm.
Brandon was also waking from an erotic dream involving himself and Melanie entangled in a sexual embrace. He too had been suffering from near intolerable erections, and most of the cause was being stuck alone, in a spacecraft, with the very attractive Melanie.
The two space travelers were trying to remain professional, and had not mentioned their desires to one another. They had, however, bonded greatly during their two months in space, and have become a little more open and flirtatious around one another, especially at meal time.
Brandon was floating down to the kitchenette area, trying to figure out how to hide his hard cock from Melanie at the table. The best he could come up with was trying to place a napkin over his lap while they ate. The problem he was finding was that it wouldn't stay in his lap. His cock was throbbing against the fabric of his NASA jumpsuit, twitching with wanting for this gorgeous brunette floating across the table from him.
Melanie instantly noticed that Brandon had what could only be described as morning wood. She quietly ate her breakfast as she smiled and watched him struggle with trying to keep his napkin from floating away from his lap. He would snatch it, and stuff it back between his tightly clenched legs, and go back to eating, forget about it, and it would float slowly away from his crotch. She smirked as she watched the fight between the obviously horny man and his only form of safely hiding his cock from her wandering blue eyes. She let her mind wander too, and soon she was daydreaming about sex with him. This was not good. She needed to remain professional. She could open up to Brandon about her family, her friends back on Earth, and her childhood, but when it came to sex, she was holding back on him. Keeping their relationship as professional as possible. No matter how much she wanted him, she knew better. She knew she couldn't cross that line.
Brandon was really getting hot, between the struggle to hide his cock and eating, and maintaining a semi professional demeanor, he was failing to multitask like he wanted. He was quiet as well, focusing on boring things like sports and people like his mother and grandmother. Nothing was helping. Every time he let his eyes rise from his food, he would see her gorgeous curvy body in that zip up jumpsuit, and he immediately started wondering if she had on any panties. He let his eyes drift over to her deliciously round ass, floating there, and he didn't see a panty line. His cock twitched, and he felt a surge of blood rush through his shaft, pulsating the head of his dick. He thought to himself "No! Go DOWN! I can't do this! I can't break the code. I can't fuck her. No matter what. I must stick to business. Strictly business here. You can do this. Just eat your food, and get to work."
Melanie looked at Brandon, and caught his eye. She smiled, her eyes glimmering with something he couldn't figure out. He blushed slightly, and nodded at her as he smiled back. "She knows! She had to have seen this fucking thing by now. What if she wants it too? Fuck. I can't. I just can't."
"Brandon, do you feel alright? You look a bit...flustered."
"Yeah, I'm fine Mel. I just feel so...restless these days." he responded.
"I feel you. It's beginning to feel like forever since I've felt like a human. I think we might be turning into aliens, being out here in space for so long." she said, before giggling at her pun.
"I get that feeling, really, I do. My body is doing weird things. I can't seem to find a way to keep myself under control anymore." he said, worried she may ask him what he's experiencing, and deciding he will tell her if she asks, and judge her reaction. This erection was beginning to control his mind.
"Yeah, mine too. What kinds of weird things have you been experiencing?" she asked, as she floated towards the cabinets to get herself a napkin.
"Well, if you must know Mel, I've been having trouble controlling my erections. I can't think of any other way to say it, but I'm insanely horny. I haven't had an orgasm in 2 months, and I think my dick is trying to control my mind!" he blurted. Then taking in a deep breath he said, "I'm sorry, I just can't help but get aroused every time I watch you float away."
Now it was Melanie's turn to blush. Since Brandon had shared his problems, she felt obligated to share hers with him, especially since it was the same.
"Don't be sorry Brandon. I know it must be difficult. I am pretty hot." she joked, smiling at him before continuing. "I have that problem too. Except, I've been having dreams...about us."
Brandon's cock twitched again as she said the word 'us' at the end of the sentence. She had said it so sensually, almost breathless. If he knew anything about women, it was when the time was right. That was a sign. He could initiate things now, but he was beginning to enjoy the strain of his hard on against his pants. And, he liked the game they had started to play, share and tell.
"Dreams, eh? Wanna tell me about them?" he prodded.
"I don't think that will help your situation." she said, pointing at his cock, which was very visibly stretching and pulsating against his pant leg.
He grinned and said "Try me."
Melanie liked the game too, and decided to tease him a little by telling him about her dream. She didn't get very far before she noticed his hand stroking his cock through his pants. He was just floating there in the kitchen, stroking up and down the length of his thick dick while he listened to her talk. She started to tell him about what they were doing in the command center when he unzipped his suit, and let his cock out from it's restraints. She had stopped talking. Neither of them noticed, as they were both fixated on the fact that he now had his dick in his hand.
"Oh...wow." she said, checking out his impressive cock.
Brandon drifted towards her, cock still in hand, and his clothes were floating in the opposite direction. Soon he was right in front of her, pushing her to the wall of the kitchenette. She opened her mouth, and instead of saying something, she kissed him. She felt her body getting hot as his cock pressed against her. His tongue trailed over her bottom lip, and she sucked the tip into her mouth. They nipped and licked at each other for a while, and he started to unzip her jumpsuit as well. They were bouncing off the walls with excitement, literally.
Neither of them spoke, as they devoured each other in a kiss. He unhooked her bra and watched it as it floated away, then promptly turned his attentions to her naked breasts. They too, were floating. They looked so perfect. Such gorgeous big tits, and they were all his. He lowered his face to her breasts, and his bottom half floated back behind him. He was horizontal in the air, and she vertical. His lips were wrapped around her nipple, and his hand on the other one. He sucked and nibbled at her nipples, and felt her chest rise and fall against his face. His fingers were expertly rolling and pinching her other nipple. With the combination of what he was doing to her, Melanie started to moan, and her hips were floating closer to his body. She slid her thong panties off, and let them float away.
Now with the two of them completely naked, he started moving down her body, as it floated up to meet him. She grabbed his brown fluffy hair, and shoved his face to her moistened pussy. She wrapped her legs over his shoulders to hold him to her, and he hungrily ate her. He was dragging his tongue over her clit and down inside her, then back out and up over the clit again and again, causing her to twitch and moan in pleasure. They were both wondering why they hadn't done this before. She took her left nipple between her fingers and started to flick her finger back and forth over it as he licked her.
"Oh fuck, Brandon! I need your cock! I need it! Please fuck me! Do it, I'm so ready for you! Do it NOW!" she screamed as he tongue fucked her pussy.
"You got it, babe!" he said as he grabbed her legs the swung his body up and slammed his cock right into her.
"AHHHHH! YES! YES! YES!" she squealed, as he started to thrust his cock up inside her tight, soaking wet pussy.
He thrust into her again and again, feeling the hot tightness of her clenching his cock, releasing it, then clenching onto it again as he went deeper. They were floating close to the ceiling of the kitchenette, and he used his feet to push them back down to the middle of the room. Floating there, in zero gravity, Brandon was fucking Melanie. They were attached now. Nothing else seemed to matter at this moment in space. The two were connecting on a totally different level, that neither of them had ever experienced before.
"Fuck me Brandon! Fill me with your cum! I want to feel you fill me with two months of your fucking cum!" she moaned.
"I'll fill you full of cum, alright." he grunted as he pushed and pulled her off and onto his cock again and again.
She reached her free hand down and started to rub her clit; pressing on it and rubbing in circles as she took his big cock into her. Her tits were bouncing all over the place as he fucked her. She was getting so close.
"Brandon, I'm going to cum. Cum with me! Fill me up!"
"You got it, babe!" he said. And then, with a long grunt from him, and a low moan from her, they came together. He filled her hot pussy with his jizz. So much jizz that it was not all staying inside of her. She was breathless, and so was he. The mixture of their cum floated out of her and off into the other room for them to find later. He pulled her off his cock, and then pulled her to him for a kiss. She sighed into his mouth as they kissed and smiled, knowing that the rest of the journey to Neptune wasn't going to be so bad, now that they had found a way to pass the time, and pleasure themselves in the process.
One thing they knew for sure, was that they didn't need to wear those stupid jumpsuits anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Melanie opens her eyes to the sound of the buzzer that is used on the ship to wake up herself and Brandon, she remembers the dream she had the night before. Melanie had awaken aroused again. She dreamed about having amazing sex with her fellow space sailor, Brandon. They've already been on the journey to Neptune from Earth for 2 months, Earth time, and she was getting hornier with every passing moment. It had been two months since she last had an orgasm.
Brandon was also waking from an erotic dream involving himself and Melanie entangled in a sexual embrace. He too had been suffering from near intolerable erections, and most of the cause was being stuck alone, in a spacecraft, with the very attractive Melanie.
The two space travelers were trying to remain professional, and had not mentioned their desires to one another. They had, however, bonded greatly during their two months in space, and have become a little more open and flirtatious around one another, especially at meal time.
Brandon was floating down to the kitchenette area, trying to figure out how to hide his hard cock from Melanie at the table. The best he could come up with was trying to place a napkin over his lap while they ate. The problem he was finding was that it wouldn't stay in his lap. His cock was throbbing against the fabric of his NASA jumpsuit, twitching with wanting for this gorgeous brunette floating across the table from him.
Melanie instantly noticed that Brandon had what could only be described as morning wood. She quietly ate her breakfast as she smiled and watched him struggle with trying to keep his napkin from floating away from his lap. He would snatch it, and stuff it back between his tightly clenched legs, and go back to eating, forget about it, and it would float slowly away from his crotch. She smirked as she watched the fight between the obviously horny man and his only form of safely hiding his cock from her wandering blue eyes. She let her mind wander too, and soon she was daydreaming about sex with him. This was not good. She needed to remain professional. She could open up to Brandon about her family, her friends back on Earth, and her childhood, but when it came to sex, she was holding back on him. Keeping their relationship as professional as possible. No matter how much she wanted him, she knew better. She knew she couldn't cross that line.
Brandon was really getting hot, between the struggle to hide his cock and eating, and maintaining a semi professional demeanor, he was failing to multitask like he wanted. He was quiet as well, focusing on boring things like sports and people like his mother and grandmother. Nothing was helping. Every time he let his eyes rise from his food, he would see her gorgeous curvy body in that zip up jumpsuit, and he immediately started wondering if she had on any panties. He let his eyes drift over to her deliciously round ass, floating there, and he didn't see a panty line. His cock twitched, and he felt a surge of blood rush through his shaft, pulsating the head of his dick. He thought to himself "No! Go DOWN! I can't do this! I can't break the code. I can't fuck her. No matter what. I must stick to business. Strictly business here. You can do this. Just eat your food, and get to work."
Melanie looked at Brandon, and caught his eye. She smiled, her eyes glimmering with something he couldn't figure out. He blushed slightly, and nodded at her as he smiled back. "She knows! She had to have seen this fucking thing by now. What if she wants it too? Fuck. I can't. I just can't."
"Brandon, do you feel alright? You look a bit...flustered."
"Yeah, I'm fine Mel. I just feel so...restless these days." he responded.
"I feel you. It's beginning to feel like forever since I've felt like a human. I think we might be turning into aliens, being out here in space for so long." she said, before giggling at her pun.
"I get that feeling, really, I do. My body is doing weird things. I can't seem to find a way to keep myself under control anymore." he said, worried she may ask him what he's experiencing, and deciding he will tell her if she asks, and judge her reaction. This erection was beginning to control his mind.
"Yeah, mine too. What kinds of weird things have you been experiencing?" she asked, as she floated towards the cabinets to get herself a napkin.
"Well, if you must know Mel, I've been having trouble controlling my erections. I can't think of any other way to say it, but I'm insanely horny. I haven't had an orgasm in 2 months, and I think my dick is trying to control my mind!" he blurted. Then taking in a deep breath he said, "I'm sorry, I just can't help but get aroused every time I watch you float away."
Now it was Melanie's turn to blush. Since Brandon had shared his problems, she felt obligated to share hers with him, especially since it was the same.
"Don't be sorry Brandon. I know it must be difficult. I am pretty hot." she joked, smiling at him before continuing. "I have that problem too. Except, I've been having dreams...about us."
Brandon's cock twitched again as she said the word 'us' at the end of the sentence. She had said it so sensually, almost breathless. If he knew anything about women, it was when the time was right. That was a sign. He could initiate things now, but he was beginning to enjoy the strain of his hard on against his pants. And, he liked the game they had started to play, share and tell.
"Dreams, eh? Wanna tell me about them?" he prodded.
"I don't think that will help your situation." she said, pointing at his cock, which was very visibly stretching and pulsating against his pant leg.
He grinned and said "Try me."
Melanie liked the game too, and decided to tease him a little by telling him about her dream. She didn't get very far before she noticed his hand stroking his cock through his pants. He was just floating there in the kitchen, stroking up and down the length of his thick dick while he listened to her talk. She started to tell him about what they were doing in the command center when he unzipped his suit, and let his cock out from it's restraints. She had stopped talking. Neither of them noticed, as they were both fixated on the fact that he now had his dick in his hand.
"Oh...wow." she said, checking out his impressive cock.
Brandon drifted towards her, cock still in hand, and his clothes were floating in the opposite direction. Soon he was right in front of her, pushing her to the wall of the kitchenette. She opened her mouth, and instead of saying something, she kissed him. She felt her body getting hot as his cock pressed against her. His tongue trailed over her bottom lip, and she sucked the tip into her mouth. They nipped and licked at each other for a while, and he started to unzip her jumpsuit as well. They were bouncing off the walls with excitement, literally.
Neither of them spoke, as they devoured each other in a kiss. He unhooked her bra and watched it as it floated away, then promptly turned his attentions to her naked breasts. They too, were floating. They looked so perfect. Such gorgeous big tits, and they were all his. He lowered his face to her breasts, and his bottom half floated back behind him. He was horizontal in the air, and she vertical. His lips were wrapped around her nipple, and his hand on the other one. He sucked and nibbled at her nipples, and felt her chest rise and fall against his face. His fingers were expertly rolling and pinching her other nipple. With the combination of what he was doing to her, Melanie started to moan, and her hips were floating closer to his body. She slid her thong panties off, and let them float away.
Now with the two of them completely naked, he started moving down her body, as it floated up to meet him. She grabbed his brown fluffy hair, and shoved his face to her moistened pussy. She wrapped her legs over his shoulders to hold him to her, and he hungrily ate her. He was dragging his tongue over her clit and down inside her, then back out and up over the clit again and again, causing her to twitch and moan in pleasure. They were both wondering why they hadn't done this before. She took her left nipple between her fingers and started to flick her finger back and forth over it as he licked her.
"Oh fuck, Brandon! I need your cock! I need it! Please fuck me! Do it, I'm so ready for you! Do it NOW!" she screamed as he tongue fucked her pussy.
"You got it, babe!" he said as he grabbed her legs the swung his body up and slammed his cock right into her.
"AHHHHH! YES! YES! YES!" she squealed, as he started to thrust his cock up inside her tight, soaking wet pussy.
He thrust into her again and again, feeling the hot tightness of her clenching his cock, releasing it, then clenching onto it again as he went deeper. They were floating close to the ceiling of the kitchenette, and he used his feet to push them back down to the middle of the room. Floating there, in zero gravity, Brandon was fucking Melanie. They were attached now. Nothing else seemed to matter at this moment in space. The two were connecting on a totally different level, that neither of them had ever experienced before.
"Fuck me Brandon! Fill me with your cum! I want to feel you fill me with two months of your fucking cum!" she moaned.
"I'll fill you full of cum, alright." he grunted as he pushed and pulled her off and onto his cock again and again.
She reached her free hand down and started to rub her clit; pressing on it and rubbing in circles as she took his big cock into her. Her tits were bouncing all over the place as he fucked her. She was getting so close.
"Brandon, I'm going to cum. Cum with me! Fill me up!"
"You got it, babe!" he said. And then, with a long grunt from him, and a low moan from her, they came together. He filled her hot pussy with his jizz. So much jizz that it was not all staying inside of her. She was breathless, and so was he. The mixture of their cum floated out of her and off into the other room for them to find later. He pulled her off his cock, and then pulled her to him for a kiss. She sighed into his mouth as they kissed and smiled, knowing that the rest of the journey to Neptune wasn't going to be so bad, now that they had found a way to pass the time, and pleasure themselves in the process.
One thing they knew for sure, was that they didn't need to wear those stupid jumpsuits anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Real Girls of West Central
I've finally got some change in my life worth writing about! I've moved out of my parents house after a long winter at home. This time I'm living with roommates. I moved in with 3 people. A girl I met one crazy night at the bar who is now a stripper*, her 19 year old skater boy toy*, and another girl who works as a server*. None of these people I knew at all prior to moving in here. We got a 2 bedroom house in the West Central area of town, and we all moved in.
*stripper, skater and server will be referred to as such from here on out.
Today was an estrogen overload here at the house. Skater was off at work, and had gotten into an argument with Stripper the night before. Stripper was off for jury duty, and Server was at work. I was waiting for the cable guy to come hook up the internet. Stripper came home and started venting about Skater right away. I listened to her talk, and then talked about my current boy issues. We got a bit emotional and decided to layabout and watch Reno 911 while the cable guy hooked up the net. Then when Server came home, she and Stripper and I all started talking about boy issues again. Soon one of Server's female friends came over, and she too was having boy problems.
Server, her friend and I left for a short spell to go get some beer, food, and cigarettes, and then came back to Stripper fresh out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. Soon she was prancing around in the nude, showing off her freshly shaven everything. I feel like a pervert in this house with all these naked and semi naked girls around. We were soon all sitting around the table and decided it was time to get REALLY fucked up and forget about the boys for a while. Stripper crushed up a couple pain pills, Server packed up a bowl of herb, and her friend was having a beer. Soon we were smoking cigs, drinking beers, snorting pills, and smokin' some herb all together. I passed on the beer and the pills, and stuck with the smoke. I was listening to the three of them carry on and kvetch about their respective boy problems for a while when I realized what I thought was a problem, was nothing of the sort. Hearing all their drama for so long actually made me feel better about my own. Because in the end, my problem is merely that my new boyfriend hasn't let me near his dick yet... and that's hardly a problem. In fact, I should be happy that is the only issue I've got with the one I'm with.
I ended up leaving them here and going to see my bestie who I hadn't seen since she got married at the courthouse a week and a half ago. After sharing with her my daily stories, I came home to an empty house. I am now sitting in my room as Skater and his friends are drinking and listening to music in the other rooms. We'll see what comes of this as the days go by.
I'm sure living here will prove to be somewhat more interesting then the last place I had. And I intend on sharing as much as I can.
*stripper, skater and server will be referred to as such from here on out.
Today was an estrogen overload here at the house. Skater was off at work, and had gotten into an argument with Stripper the night before. Stripper was off for jury duty, and Server was at work. I was waiting for the cable guy to come hook up the internet. Stripper came home and started venting about Skater right away. I listened to her talk, and then talked about my current boy issues. We got a bit emotional and decided to layabout and watch Reno 911 while the cable guy hooked up the net. Then when Server came home, she and Stripper and I all started talking about boy issues again. Soon one of Server's female friends came over, and she too was having boy problems.
Server, her friend and I left for a short spell to go get some beer, food, and cigarettes, and then came back to Stripper fresh out of the shower, wrapped in a towel. Soon she was prancing around in the nude, showing off her freshly shaven everything. I feel like a pervert in this house with all these naked and semi naked girls around. We were soon all sitting around the table and decided it was time to get REALLY fucked up and forget about the boys for a while. Stripper crushed up a couple pain pills, Server packed up a bowl of herb, and her friend was having a beer. Soon we were smoking cigs, drinking beers, snorting pills, and smokin' some herb all together. I passed on the beer and the pills, and stuck with the smoke. I was listening to the three of them carry on and kvetch about their respective boy problems for a while when I realized what I thought was a problem, was nothing of the sort. Hearing all their drama for so long actually made me feel better about my own. Because in the end, my problem is merely that my new boyfriend hasn't let me near his dick yet... and that's hardly a problem. In fact, I should be happy that is the only issue I've got with the one I'm with.
I ended up leaving them here and going to see my bestie who I hadn't seen since she got married at the courthouse a week and a half ago. After sharing with her my daily stories, I came home to an empty house. I am now sitting in my room as Skater and his friends are drinking and listening to music in the other rooms. We'll see what comes of this as the days go by.
I'm sure living here will prove to be somewhat more interesting then the last place I had. And I intend on sharing as much as I can.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
SO GOOD!
I can be anything I want to be. I can do anything I want to do. Go any place I want to go. The world is ours. Take a slice.
I look back on the past few weeks, and all I can do is smile.
So much has happened that it's hard to catalog it all.
All I know is that I'm happy. Very happy.
I look back on the past few weeks, and all I can do is smile.
So much has happened that it's hard to catalog it all.
All I know is that I'm happy. Very happy.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Temporarily Engaged to an Eskimo
Did I ever tell you about the time I was engaged for 5 days to an eskimo? An eskimo I never even met? I didn't? Oh, well here goes.
I am a member of this dating site, called OKCupid.com. For the most part, this site has provided me with more negative encounters then positive ones. I've met 4 people in person after communicating with them on the site. I also have a long list of friends who also use the site. Out of those 4 people, 2 have been positive experiences, and the other 2 weren't as great.
My current relationship status on Facebook states I'm in an open relationship with a girl. I met this girl on OKCupid. She is beautiful, funny, talented, and she's one of my new best friends. And she's an amazing kisser! I dig her.
Next I met this really attractive guy. He didn't call after meeting. Then a few weeks later he told me he was seeing someone, yet he wanted to 'see me'. Uh...no thanks. Don't care how hot you are, if you're going to treat me with such little respect then I don't want you.
Third, I meet this guy who was really easy to talk to online. I am not really afraid of meeting people online, so I offer to bring him out to the bar one weeknight. BIG MISTAKE! This guy was drunk when I picked him up. And, he smelled like baby powder and aftershave. A strange mix. He bummed half a pack of my cigarettes, got even more drunk at the bar, hit on my friend, and tried to touch her, and ended up getting kicked out of the bar. I drove him home, and instead of 'Thank you for taking me out with you, picking me up, and giving me half a pack of your cigarettes.' I hear 'Fuck you! Fuck you bitch for not letting me drink more!' Again...date fail.
Then there was the somewhat shy, very cute, easy to talk to guy who is dealing with his own romantic issues. I had been chatting with him on and off for a few months, the off mostly due to bad timing, and lack of planning. He's a friend on facebook, and I have his number, but never used it. I went out by myself last night, and he randomly showed up at the bar with his brother and some friends. We ended up spending a good portion of the evening together, drinking, talking, and having a good time. We got along pretty well, and ultimately, I'd say I gained a friend out of the experience.
Lastly, there's the eskimo. I never did meet him in person, due to his current living arrangements being in Alaska. But we did talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours amen. He was funny, musical, cute, and sweet, and I quickly fell for his charms. He reciprocated my feelings just as fast, and before you could say cock gobbling thunder cunts, we were talking about marriage, children, and having a family. Both of us would have reality checks throughout the hours of conversation. Realizing how ridiculous our plans sounded, even to us. But, for some reason, the thought of marrying this practical stranger sounded pretty good as well. After the first couple of days, the phone calls weren't as long, or as interesting. Then the text messages he sent me were more accusing then adoring. I wasn't doing anything that could be even remotely considered cheating, so it just pissed me off when he'd purposely try to make me jealous, or mad. I soon got over the idea of wanting to marry this guy, but yet I kept up with it to see if it might still have a fighting chance. I caught myself looking at wedding rings on Etsy.com, and I found the perfect one. Later on that day, when I was busy working, I ended the relationship. I couldn't take all the accusations of cheating, when I wasn't doing anything! Also, it was then that I realized that the whole thing was REALLY crazy, and mostly just two people with a fantasy of getting married and having a family, fulfilling it by saying those three words to each other. I love you. The fantasy died off quickly for me, and I kept it up because I am nice, and it's nice to feel loved, even if it's majorly fake.
I was engaged to an Eskimo once. I don't think I ever really loved him. Oh well.
I am a member of this dating site, called OKCupid.com. For the most part, this site has provided me with more negative encounters then positive ones. I've met 4 people in person after communicating with them on the site. I also have a long list of friends who also use the site. Out of those 4 people, 2 have been positive experiences, and the other 2 weren't as great.
My current relationship status on Facebook states I'm in an open relationship with a girl. I met this girl on OKCupid. She is beautiful, funny, talented, and she's one of my new best friends. And she's an amazing kisser! I dig her.
Next I met this really attractive guy. He didn't call after meeting. Then a few weeks later he told me he was seeing someone, yet he wanted to 'see me'. Uh...no thanks. Don't care how hot you are, if you're going to treat me with such little respect then I don't want you.
Third, I meet this guy who was really easy to talk to online. I am not really afraid of meeting people online, so I offer to bring him out to the bar one weeknight. BIG MISTAKE! This guy was drunk when I picked him up. And, he smelled like baby powder and aftershave. A strange mix. He bummed half a pack of my cigarettes, got even more drunk at the bar, hit on my friend, and tried to touch her, and ended up getting kicked out of the bar. I drove him home, and instead of 'Thank you for taking me out with you, picking me up, and giving me half a pack of your cigarettes.' I hear 'Fuck you! Fuck you bitch for not letting me drink more!' Again...date fail.
Then there was the somewhat shy, very cute, easy to talk to guy who is dealing with his own romantic issues. I had been chatting with him on and off for a few months, the off mostly due to bad timing, and lack of planning. He's a friend on facebook, and I have his number, but never used it. I went out by myself last night, and he randomly showed up at the bar with his brother and some friends. We ended up spending a good portion of the evening together, drinking, talking, and having a good time. We got along pretty well, and ultimately, I'd say I gained a friend out of the experience.
Lastly, there's the eskimo. I never did meet him in person, due to his current living arrangements being in Alaska. But we did talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours amen. He was funny, musical, cute, and sweet, and I quickly fell for his charms. He reciprocated my feelings just as fast, and before you could say cock gobbling thunder cunts, we were talking about marriage, children, and having a family. Both of us would have reality checks throughout the hours of conversation. Realizing how ridiculous our plans sounded, even to us. But, for some reason, the thought of marrying this practical stranger sounded pretty good as well. After the first couple of days, the phone calls weren't as long, or as interesting. Then the text messages he sent me were more accusing then adoring. I wasn't doing anything that could be even remotely considered cheating, so it just pissed me off when he'd purposely try to make me jealous, or mad. I soon got over the idea of wanting to marry this guy, but yet I kept up with it to see if it might still have a fighting chance. I caught myself looking at wedding rings on Etsy.com, and I found the perfect one. Later on that day, when I was busy working, I ended the relationship. I couldn't take all the accusations of cheating, when I wasn't doing anything! Also, it was then that I realized that the whole thing was REALLY crazy, and mostly just two people with a fantasy of getting married and having a family, fulfilling it by saying those three words to each other. I love you. The fantasy died off quickly for me, and I kept it up because I am nice, and it's nice to feel loved, even if it's majorly fake.
I was engaged to an Eskimo once. I don't think I ever really loved him. Oh well.
The Year of Cara Cakes
Like I said in a recent post, my birthday is coming up here at the end of the month. I'm going to be turning 26. Yippee! I want to have an epic celebration, just because. Some crazy party where everyone I know and love shows up, we all get crazy drunk and the music, laughter, and love never stops. No negativity, just awesome fun. The likelihood of this occurring is actually pretty slim. I don't have my own place, and I can't afford a hotel room or two. Another idea I had was to go to the casino with some friends, but again, that costs too much money. It's pretty sad that the only ideas I can come up with are ones that would cost me.
Who knows what I'll end up doing for my birthday. All I know for sure is that I want to spend it with people I care about, and who also care about me. I'm sure that just by doing that, I'll enjoy myself, and feel like it was a good day.
As far as being 26 goes...I'm not sure I'm living up to it just yet. I am still living at home, with no future plans. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now. I feel like I'm moving forward in some ways, yet it could just be an illusion. I lose my mind regularly, and find it soon after.
As far as my goals for this year go, I'd say they're pretty low key. I'm tired of aiming high and failing, so I might as well just aim straight forward, and see where this path takes me. I am satisfied with the film work I've been doing, and this year is looking pretty promising with local filmmakers. I need to get a reel put together, and an actual resume for my makeup work, and then start to try harder to get more paid work, like commercial work, or even a bigger budget indie film. Last year helped me realize my niche, and where I belong in the industry. Being on set for 15+ hours a day was something that, yes, was exhausting, but was also the most rewarding experience of my life. I can't say it enough how grateful I am for the opportunity to work with these amazing characters. I've learned so much about myself, and learned so much about film making as well. I want to keep learning through experience, and research, and just keep trying to do more and have even more great opportunities to create and share myself with others.
Also, I am making it a point to get back on track with my modeling work. I am doing a pretty shit job at this whole modeling thing, that I wonder sometimes why I even stick with it. I like doing it, I just get so involved with everything else in my life that I put that on the back burner. I shouldn't let that happen this year, and I want to make this year my most profitable to date. To make that happen I'm going to need to work really hard, and put the focus back on me. When I spend the time on it, beautiful things happen. So please, don't give up on me yet, I'm still here. I'm just slow.
While I'm on the topic of modeling, I want to put this out there. Two things on my to do list for the year are to go to some BBW Bashes. The ones I want to go to the most are the San Diego Bash in March, and the Vegas Bash this July. To do this, I'm going to need some funding. I am interested in doing some squashing sessions. I have always loved the powerful feeling I get when I'm on top of a struggling, helpless, pitiful little peon. I love the size difference. I love the whole thing. So, if you want me on top, shoot me an email (crosseyedforcakes@yahoo.com)and let me know how you're going to help me reach my goals. ;)
www.caracakes.com
@caracakesxoxo on twitter
Who knows what I'll end up doing for my birthday. All I know for sure is that I want to spend it with people I care about, and who also care about me. I'm sure that just by doing that, I'll enjoy myself, and feel like it was a good day.
As far as being 26 goes...I'm not sure I'm living up to it just yet. I am still living at home, with no future plans. I'm kind of stuck in a rut right now. I feel like I'm moving forward in some ways, yet it could just be an illusion. I lose my mind regularly, and find it soon after.
As far as my goals for this year go, I'd say they're pretty low key. I'm tired of aiming high and failing, so I might as well just aim straight forward, and see where this path takes me. I am satisfied with the film work I've been doing, and this year is looking pretty promising with local filmmakers. I need to get a reel put together, and an actual resume for my makeup work, and then start to try harder to get more paid work, like commercial work, or even a bigger budget indie film. Last year helped me realize my niche, and where I belong in the industry. Being on set for 15+ hours a day was something that, yes, was exhausting, but was also the most rewarding experience of my life. I can't say it enough how grateful I am for the opportunity to work with these amazing characters. I've learned so much about myself, and learned so much about film making as well. I want to keep learning through experience, and research, and just keep trying to do more and have even more great opportunities to create and share myself with others.
Also, I am making it a point to get back on track with my modeling work. I am doing a pretty shit job at this whole modeling thing, that I wonder sometimes why I even stick with it. I like doing it, I just get so involved with everything else in my life that I put that on the back burner. I shouldn't let that happen this year, and I want to make this year my most profitable to date. To make that happen I'm going to need to work really hard, and put the focus back on me. When I spend the time on it, beautiful things happen. So please, don't give up on me yet, I'm still here. I'm just slow.
While I'm on the topic of modeling, I want to put this out there. Two things on my to do list for the year are to go to some BBW Bashes. The ones I want to go to the most are the San Diego Bash in March, and the Vegas Bash this July. To do this, I'm going to need some funding. I am interested in doing some squashing sessions. I have always loved the powerful feeling I get when I'm on top of a struggling, helpless, pitiful little peon. I love the size difference. I love the whole thing. So, if you want me on top, shoot me an email (crosseyedforcakes@yahoo.com)and let me know how you're going to help me reach my goals. ;)
www.caracakes.com
@caracakesxoxo on twitter
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Mania of Love
I didn't realize I held these feelings inside me. I didn't see that I had repressed this hurt for so long. Seeing your face again, before I ever touched it, made a tear fall down my cheek. What have I done to cause this? All I ever did was care. I only ever wanted to be there. It seems I am too much. Too much, or just not enough? Which is it? I must know. For I cannot have an ending without a goodbye. I cannot get closure before you tell me why.
You're one of a kind. Too good to be true. Of course I'll never be good enough for you. My flaws are too large, and so are my hips. I never have been one to fit. Inside I hurt, and out here I cry. It will only be a while before I can let this feeling die.
I can't have an ending without a goodbye. I just can't have closure until you tell me why. What did I do? Did I offend you? Was I not there for you? Did I say something wrong? Did I not say enough?
I just don't understand, what it might have been. Until you explain, I'll be lost within...
You're one of a kind. Too good to be true. Of course I'll never be good enough for you. My flaws are too large, and so are my hips. I never have been one to fit. Inside I hurt, and out here I cry. It will only be a while before I can let this feeling die.
I can't have an ending without a goodbye. I just can't have closure until you tell me why. What did I do? Did I offend you? Was I not there for you? Did I say something wrong? Did I not say enough?
I just don't understand, what it might have been. Until you explain, I'll be lost within...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Snooke$ha Nights
Sorry I've been distant! I've been pretty wrapped up in my life away from the internet. This is good, in my eyes. I like face to face contact. I go out often. I talk to strangers. I really don't like winter here in Indiana, because it's so snowy and slick, and that usually keeps me at home more often then I'd like. I have been getting out more though, now that I'm getting a little more comfortable with the snow. I had my fall. I was outside of the comedy club, walking back to my friend's car, and then suddenly I'm on my ass, looking up at the moon. It took two big guys to help lift my fat ass off the ground. I had absolutely no traction on my boots, and was pretty helpless. I was only slightly hurt. My knee still kind of bothers me, but I think with enough pain medication, I'll be alright soon enough.
I've also been working on another film project. This past weekend was all of the principle shooting for the film. It's a short film called Missing. Search for it on Facebook and like it! I also ended up acting in the film, a small role, but still, my first real speaking role. I got to do a lot of things I'd never done before, makeup wise. This was super exciting for me, and I am really proud with the results, especially since it was my first time. I worked with liquid latex, and created some wounds. I made some squibs (blood bags for gunshots) out of condoms. And, I met some really great people. I love working in film, there's never a dull moment. Unless the film is dull, then perhaps there will be one or two dull moments.
Monday night of this week, I had a night that could best be described as a 'Snooke$ha' night. This is a mixture of Snooki from Jersey Shore, and a Ke$ha song. Sometimes you get drunk, show your poof off to the bar, and go home with a guido. It happens. I am Italian, and I do like hobos, so I guess Snooki, Kesha and I would make a good group of friends. Granted, I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore, so I have no idea how this Shnookems actually behaves. I just assume it's preposterous, and scandalous, and straight up sluuuutttty. Oh, and Kesha goes hard, hard, ha, ha, ha, hard. And I heard she showed her pussay to everyone in the bar. Soooo...yeah, no beaver shots from Cara Cakes. At least not in real life.
My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, here at the end of the month. I shouldn't have to remind you guys, but...get me awesome presents!
I've also been working on another film project. This past weekend was all of the principle shooting for the film. It's a short film called Missing. Search for it on Facebook and like it! I also ended up acting in the film, a small role, but still, my first real speaking role. I got to do a lot of things I'd never done before, makeup wise. This was super exciting for me, and I am really proud with the results, especially since it was my first time. I worked with liquid latex, and created some wounds. I made some squibs (blood bags for gunshots) out of condoms. And, I met some really great people. I love working in film, there's never a dull moment. Unless the film is dull, then perhaps there will be one or two dull moments.
Monday night of this week, I had a night that could best be described as a 'Snooke$ha' night. This is a mixture of Snooki from Jersey Shore, and a Ke$ha song. Sometimes you get drunk, show your poof off to the bar, and go home with a guido. It happens. I am Italian, and I do like hobos, so I guess Snooki, Kesha and I would make a good group of friends. Granted, I've never seen an episode of Jersey Shore, so I have no idea how this Shnookems actually behaves. I just assume it's preposterous, and scandalous, and straight up sluuuutttty. Oh, and Kesha goes hard, hard, ha, ha, ha, hard. And I heard she showed her pussay to everyone in the bar. Soooo...yeah, no beaver shots from Cara Cakes. At least not in real life.
My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, here at the end of the month. I shouldn't have to remind you guys, but...get me awesome presents!
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