Before I begin this story, I have to say, that I was under the influence during the time of this occurrence. I am rehashing this memory to the best of my ability. There is some video evidence of this night. I can't believe how obliterated I actually was. I am kind of glad I didn't remember how stupid I was on this night.
Once upon a time, a couple years ago, I went out to the bar. But that's not the whole story. Let me tell you about this particular bar venture...
I went to see a few of my girl friends at this little place in the city-billy part of town. There was free pool that night, and cheap pitchers of beer. I met up with my girls, and we drank and talked and goofed around like we always do when we're together. Soon I was eyeballing this man that was taller then Shaquille O'Neal. This well dressed white boy had it going on, from far away. He also seemed to have a sidekick. A shorter, darker haired, pierced, tattooed guy who never seemed to go too far from his side.
I soon decided I wanted that. I was on a mission to get what I wanted, which was Mr. Tall Guy. They came over and sat with us, I'm not really sure how that happened. I've slept since then. We were all drinking and joking around. Come to find out that the tall guy was a college professor at one of the local colleges. The short guy kept saying he was a Greek God, and his main goal seemed to be trying to get into the pants of my mostly lesbian friend.
We all moved outside, now quite drunk, and we were alone as a group on the patio. Now things could get a little more intimate. Greek God decided that he wanted to marry my girl who likes girls. I told him about the fact that I'm an ordained minister with the Universal Life Church. He asked her to marry him, she said yes, and that was that. I married them right there on the patio. We had witnesses, and they had vows, and she wouldn't kiss him, and their marriage lasted all of 15 minutes.
We celebrated the shotgun wedding with some shots, and a nice smooth toke of a special kind of cigarette. Out there on the patio, sharing some drinks with people, celebrating fake love, and real lust, twas one hell of a time. Soon people went back inside. I stayed out to finish my cigarette, and the conversation I was having with the Greek Groom. He sure forgot about his wifey with a quickness though, because the next thing you know, he's got his mouth on my tits. It was then that I realized I wasn't getting with The Professor. By this point, I had also realized that The Professor wasn't really that cool, or that hot. Yeah, he looked good, but he was drunk as shit, high as fuck, and couldn't really figure out which end was up.
After I stopped this cheating bastard from nibbling on my nips, we went back inside to join the group. We were singing along to the jukebox, and taking shots, and just having a grand time. I guess I was video taping this part of the night, to post on YouTube for my subscribers. I just watched the video, and I kind of want to take it down. I won't, but I really can't get over how ridiculously trashed I was.
This night was one that me and these girls will never fully remember, but will definitely never forget. The time we went to the bar, Nan got fake married to a Greek God, we smoked pot with a college professor in the patio area, sang along to the music, and I got my tits serviced by my friend's pretend husband.
I am kind of glad I've grown up a bit since this time, but I'm still happy to share the stories. There's more to come.
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